Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
