you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
