i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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