why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
