we made out on top of his cat.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
