oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Mom said you looked used
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
