Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
