someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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