Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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