How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
