y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
