Screwed.edu
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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