I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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