You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
