whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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