Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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