I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
