I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
