omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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