fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
