WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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