There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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