i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
