if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
