Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
