why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
