Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
