Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The uberlube is also flammable
my poor anus
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
