"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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