Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
