I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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