i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
