Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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