I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
