my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
