If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
