I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just had sex on a roof
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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