Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
