I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize