Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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