No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
