Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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