I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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