Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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