Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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