You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
