The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
