I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
