Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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