Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
