Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
