My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
