Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
