We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
