his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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