I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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