The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
