similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
