they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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