whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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