I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
