this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
