I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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