I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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