So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
