exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Randomize
