This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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