Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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