Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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