dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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