Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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