Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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