This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
