I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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