Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
