first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
