just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
