the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
