and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
