I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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