my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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