She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
