he shaved USA in his pubs
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
