I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
