im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
