Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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