I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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